I’ve joined the secessionist movement.

Before you start penning that special hate-email to NKY magazine calling me names previously reserved only for Duke fans, please understand I’m not one of those wing-nuts calling on all the anti-Obama “Red States” to break away from the Union. Those folks are just plain crazy.

I am advocating a much more sane movement whereby Boone, Kenton and Campbell counties secede from the Commonwealth of Kentucky.

Let’s face it; we’ve always complained that Northern Kentucky has been the Commonwealth’s unwanted stepchild. And like a kid acting up at the family dinner table, we’ve tried everything to get our parents’ and siblings’ attention.

We’ve been acting out ever since Feb. 3, 1900, when Northern Kentucky gave the state a governor and they shot him before he took office.

All Revenue, No Respect

In recent years, we’ve watched as the state became addicted to the revenues generated by Northern Kentucky’s economic growth and sucked up our tax dollars like they were crack cocaine. Yet, when the region needed some of those funds back to keep the bridge linking the Commonwealth to the industrial north from falling into the river, the state offered up a plan to make us pay to drive across a river we own.

It just goes to show that Northern Kentucky gets no respect. It’s time to quit tugging at our ties a la a disrespected Rodney Dangerfield. It’s time to stand up and be counted.

I call for a revolution! And, as it is over his bridge the revolution will be fought, the name of the new state shall be BrentSpenceachusetts.

A Capitol,

A Constitution

Ceremonial Stuff — The BrentSpenceachusetts state song will be “Amie” by Latonia’s Pure Prairie League. The state flag will be a colorful depiction of all three counties (with the Licking River being just a bit wider than the Ohio) underscored by our state motto: “Where did you go to high school?”

Preamble to the BrentSpenceachusetts Constitution — We support liberty, freedom, casino gaming at Turfway Park and more scholarships for NKU basketball. We’re opposed to taxation without lobbyists, ownership of any automobile not made by Toyota and any interstate commerce that involves selling a new Justin Bieber CD.

BrentSpenceachusetts State Capital — Fort Mitchell. OK, I realize that Independence is the actual geographic center of BrentSpenceachusetts, but the USA Hotel off I-75 is vacant and the city will sell it for a dollar to use as a capitol building. Housing state government in the USA Hotel has its practical benefits. The thought of having to go to the USA Hotel every day for work would result in only those truly wanting to serve running for office.

Tolling – Toll booths will be set up on all roads crossing the borders of BrentSpenceachusetts, charging one dollar to get in and two dollars to get out. Funds from the tolls will be used to build an electronic fence around BrentSpenceachusetts with free border crossings that can only be used by its citizens.

I am sure there are a few issues I have not fully thought through on the formation of BrentSpenceachusetts. Anyone with additional constructive ideas, please send them to me in care of NKY magazine. Drop off all hate letters at the USA Hotel in Fort Mitchell.

Rick Robinson is a Fort Mitchell lawyer, author and politician. His books are available on Amazon.com